Home Coming
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: AU. Remus has been away for years, but he's returned home in the hopes of fixing his relationship with Tonks; the relationship he single handedly ruined. The only problem is, she's not quite as willing to fix things as he is.


The dark, winding streets of London hadn't changed much. The rain poured down hard, a familiar welcome home. Coat collar upturned against the cold, Remus Lupin familiarized himself with the streets he had once known so well.

New York and London weren't that different, really. They were both busy, and no one so much as glanced at him as he walked past, hair dripping without the cover of an umbrella. But London would always be home. New York was glamorous; but it was built for a younger generation, and there was no place there for him anymore. He'd been sent there by the ministry, an envoy of sorts; sent to help with werewolf disputes in the big apple. At the time, he'd jumped on the offer to get away. The war was over, Voldemort was dead... things were getting better. But not for him. He'd been a fool; he'd thrown it all away.

He'd left her, and he hadn't gone back. Not even when he'd heard that she'd lost the baby. Stress, they'd told him. And he still hadn't gone back. He could still remember seeing her for the last time as if it were yesterday. The battle over, won... and somehow they'd both survived. And he'd thought he could fix things.

He'd been wrong.

When he saw her standing in the great hall, covered in dust, dry blood caked on her face and a bandage wrapped around her arm, he'd instinctively run to her. But she had pushed him away, and before she left, he felt her place something small in his hand, closing it, and kissing his fist. When he'd opened it, her wedding ring was sitting on his palm.

He'd screwed everything up. But he doubted she would want to see him now, no matter how many years it had been. He wanted to fix things... but he wasn't going to push her into anything she didn't want.

A small smile crept across his face as he recognised the familiar sign, creaking in the breeze. Pushing his wet hair back from his face, he opened the door to the Leaky Cauldron.

Nothing had changed. Tom was still the barman, handing him a bottle of butter beer. The same pictures adorned the walls, the tables and chairs hadn't moved. And, as happened every Saturday, a live band was playing in the corner.

It felt so, so good to be home.

It didn't take him long to find a familiar face. Kingsley was sitting alone at a table close to the small stage, and his face split into a grin when he saw Remus making his way over.

"Look who's back! Sit down!"

Pulling his wet jacket off, Remus did so.

"Fancy seeing you out! I didn't think they let the minister out of the office, even on the weekends?"

Kingsley grinned. "I'm not out for long. Tonks dragged me along to watch her set." He nodded in the direction of the stage, and Remus' stomach dropped. How had he not noticed her when he came in?

She looked much the same as ever. Her dark eyes were framed with dark, slightly smudged makeup; her hair was a deep red and pulled back into a messy bun on top of her head. She still dressed the same; tight jeans, black boots and a band shirt, this one bearing a picture of the muggle band Queen. She was singing; and from the way she had angled herself away from their table, Remus gathered she had seen him.

"She... she looks good. Is she okay?"

Kingsley shrugged. "I'll let her fill you in; they only have a few songs left before the next band comes on."

It was a long wait. His mouth was dry; and Kingsley wanted to hear all about New York, and all the talking made it even worse. He was clutching his empty bottle so tightly he thought it might break under the pressure. But Kingsley didn't seem to notice. And when the band finished he waved her over, not seeming to notice the way Remus was frozen in his seat, staring compulsively at a chip in the table.

"Hi."

Her voice went right through him, and he hadn't realised how much he had missed it. Taking a deep breath, he turned to look at her.

"Hello Nymphadora."

She didn't look happy to see him, that was for sure. But she wasn't angry either. Mostly, she seemed confused.

"Well, I've got work to do, so I'll leave you two to it. I'm sure you have plenty to catch up on!"

"No, Kingsley-" but he was already gone, Tonks' desperate plea unnoticed. Turning back to Remus, she sighed.

"Aren't you meant to be in New York or something?" The malice in her voice was clearly audible.

"I came back. I missed home..." he faltered. "I missed you."

She blinked, mouth opening in a small 'o' of surprise. But it was only for a second; she pulled herself together, composing her face into one of neutrality.

"I need a smoke. You want to come?"

Shrugging, he followed her out to the small courtyard that led to Diagon alley. The rain had turned into a drizzle, leaving droplets sitting in her hair. He watched her light a cigarette, blowing smoke into the cold air.

"How are you?" he asked after a minute's silence.

"Fine." She took another drag, her eyes piercing him. "You?"

"Fine. You're singing now?"

She shrugged. "Bit of extra cash. I like it."

They were quiet for another awkward minute.

"Look," he said, breaking the silence. "I was an idiot. And I'm sorry, I really am. Every day I regret leaving you. Every day I think that maybe if I had stayed, you wouldn't have lost the baby... I feel so guilty for everything I did to you..."

She looked away. "You should." Her voice was quiet. "You ruined everything."

"I... I know I did."

"You can't fix it either." Her voice was harder now. "I don't know what you're doing back here, Remus, but I hope you didn't come back for me, because you'll only be disappointed. There's no use apologising, or trying to fix things. Feel as guilty as you want, but I'm not going to be all sympathetic for you."

"Dora... just let me explain..." he stepped closer, impulsively, brushing a stray hair behind her ear. She flinched away.

"Don't. Please don't touch me." He could see her lower lip trembling.

He just wanted to make things right. Couldn't she see that?

"Dora... I just-"

"NO! I don't care! I don't want to listen to what you have to say, Remus! I mean-" she broke off, brushing away a tear. "Who do you think you are? You can't just come back after all these years and expect me to be sitting here waiting for you, ready to forgive you! You don't understand what you did when you left! And..." she faltered, taking a deep breath. "Our baby. I lost our baby. And you knew, I know people told you. And you still didn't come back! I needed you Remus, I needed you! Where were you then, huh? You weren't there!"

He let her yell. Everything she said was true, and she had obviously been needing to get this off her chest for a long time. Only when she threw her cigarette butt away angrily did he speak again.

"I still loved you. I still do." He added softly.

She shook her head. "No. Don't. Don't say that now. I can't..." she looked down, and he followed her gaze.

For the first time he noticed the small ring on her left hand.

"You're married. Again." His heart sunk. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but he really had come back in the hopes of having her back. Of fixing things. He should have expected her to move on. He shouldn't have been such an idiot.

"Engaged, actually."

"Who?" not that it really mattered who it was. He hated them on principal anyway.

"Sam. He's in the band with me. He plays the violin."

Remus remembered him. A handsome bloke, with a few piercings and hair that fell elegantly into his blue eyes. He was so much more suitable, the kind of man he'd spent months telling her to find. Only she hadn't, not back then. She'd only wanted him.

How times had changed.

"He looks like an idiot." Remus lied. She scowled.

"At least he doesn't leave me. At least he means it when he tells me he loves me."

"And do you mean it when you say it back?"

She faltered, confused. "Of course I do."

"Would you mean it if you said it to me?"

She bit her lip. "I can't say it though. You have no idea how long it took me to be alright again. To be able to trust again..." she looked up at him. "It doesn't matter that you're back, or how sorry you are. You don't get to get me back."

He just nodded, watching his shoes. Defeat. He could take it. He would take it. It was his own fault, and he was going to have to live with the consequences of what he'd done.

The door creaked open.

"Dora? You ready to go home?"

"Yeah, yeah sure." She gave her fiancé a trying smile. Remus saw Sam look at him, frowning, before realisation dawned on his face. But he didn't say anything. Instead, he put an arm around her shoulders and lead her away.

That was it. It was done. He'd screwed up so badly that it was impossible to fix. Even if she wasn't engaged, he knew she wouldn't have forgiven him.

His eyes were glued to the wall across from him; he didn't see Tonks turn her head, eyes watering.

"Does it still hurt?" Sam asked her quietly.

"Yeah."

"And do you still love him?"

The tears brimmed over and she didn't answer. Instead, she buried her head in his shoulder, and murmured "let's go home."

If it weren't for Sam, she would have forgiven him. Eventually.

And it took so long just to feel all right  
>Remember how to put back the light in my eyes<br>I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed  
>'Cause you broke all your promises<br>And now you're back  
>You don't get to get me back<p> 


End file.
